A long time ago, I created a profile on an online dating platform.
Alongside my name, I had to choose a single word descriptor. Default options included Adventurer, Gamer, Tree-hugger, Foodie, Creative, Athlete and about 20 others.
I chose the word that felt most true: Professional.
This was a season where my work and my identity were one in the same.
If things were going smoothly in the office and I was hitting my goals, I felt ok. But the moment things felt shaky professionally, my entire sense of wellbeing plummeted.
In those times, it felt like being consumed by work was fuel for my success. What I see today is how limiting and exhausting that orientation eventually became.
When work feels like your entire self, every fumble feels existential - a verdict on your value rather than a mistake to learn from.
Naturally, this makes it harder to experiment, adapt, and recover quickly when things don’t go as planned. And in a world of growing uncertainty, that’s exactly the capacity leaders need most.
My dating profile example may be extreme, but I see versions of this in even the most well-rounded leaders. Professional achievement becomes so intertwined with identity that a tough meeting, missed target, or critical comment can feel deeply personal.
The prescription isn’t to care less, but to relate to work in a way that leaves you steadier, clearer, and more capable under pressure.
To remember, in your bones, that who you are is much bigger than any role you play.
An Invitation
Identity is one key area we explore inside The Conscious Leader: a 12-week coaching journey beginning October 7th.
Through coaching and a detailed assessment, you’ll illuminate the patterns shaping your leadership and create a holistic vision that considers your work within the broader context of your life. So you can lead powerfully - without being wholly consumed by your role.
Bi-weekly peer circles. Weekly integration exercises. Impact you’ll feel.
