Redefining potential
I worked part-time as a hostess while doing my MBA.
One evening, as I worked the door for a private event, one of the city’s most successful restaurateurs summoned me over to his table.
He shared that he’d been watching me work and was so impressed that he wanted to offer me a job at his newest restaurant.
I knew working with him could open up lots of doors in the hospitality industry.
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Being somewhat of a sucker for praise, it took little time for me to be hooked by his narrative.
His compelling vision for my future as a hostess extraordinaire had me inclined to completely reimagine my path.
I started to envision myself owning my own high-end downtown restaurant, working the room, warmly greeting guests.
But I quickly snapped out of that trance - this particular opportunity was such an extreme divergence from anything I’d ever imagined for myself that it was easy to not become swept away by it.
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After some consideration, I politely declined his offer.
It was the right decision based on the broader context of my life. I worked with a great team and had a lot of fun on the job.
I knew I valued those things more than the prestige of working in a fancier restaurant.
Yet the disappointment in his voice during our final conversation somehow left me feeling uneasy.
I felt like I was leaving some of my potential on the table.
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I’m privileged to have been identified as “high potential” at different points in my life.
This has truly been a blessing.
It’s provided me with options and has helped me develop the confidence to place huge bets on myself.
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But at times, it’s also led me down paths I may not have followed had others not been enthusiastically encouraging me down them.
When people around you are saying you’re capable of big things, it’s easy to think,
“If I don’t go for it, I might regret squandering these gifts people are seeing in me”.
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I spent a big chunk of my life following the steps others encouraged me to take in the spirit of living up to my potential.
Unknowingly, it was often at the expense of learning to follow my own heart.
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That began to change when I reached my mid-twenties.
Around that time, I remember desperately googling, “what to do with my life” and “how to find my purpose” in nearly every spare moment.
After taking all the proper steps to capitalize on the potential others saw in me, I’d somehow landed in a life I didn’t really feel I belonged in.
I felt lost, with no sense of direction.
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I’ve learned this experience of feeling pressure to live up to your potential is common among the talented professionals I coach.
Many reach a point where they feel they’ve somehow lost touch with themselves in the pursuit.
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My experience with coaching clients, along with my own journey of becoming more intentional about my life and career has invited me to completely re-think the concept of potential.
Here’s where I’ve landed on it…
The only person who can define your true potential is you
Measuring a person’s potential based on a single metric (e.g. how high you can climb a given corporate ladder) is a problematic oversimplification
Until you understand what matters most to you, you’ll default to allowing others to define your potential for you
Your potential needs to be considered in the context of what you want out of your life overall, not just your career
It takes time and practice to learn to trust yourself as the ultimate (and only) authority on what it means to live up to your unique potential
Your most helpful supporters will be those who have an unwavering belief in you, but remain unattached to their own concept of your potential
Ultimately, here’s what I now believe:
“Your true potential is the extent to which you bring the most authentic, empowered expression of yourself into the world.”
I’ve come to appreciate that being labelled as high potential in a professional context should be taken as an invitation for some self-reflection.
When someone endows you with the high potential label, allow yourself space to feel grateful, honoured and proud.
It feels good to have your hard work and competence acknowledged.
But carefully consider what else the recognition brings up for you.
Is the recognition pushing you down a path you might not otherwise be inclined to travel?
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If you’re grappling with questions of “living up to your potential”, you’re not alone.
Creating the space to explore and gain clarity on your own values and vision for your life and career will guide you as you navigate a way forward. (This is some of the work I do in my coaching programs).
Once you have a sense of where you want to go, you can find mentors to support you in realizing your vision.
Grounded in your own awareness, you’ll be less likely to be swayed off course by others’ ideas of your potential.
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